At the rate we’re pursuing military and political objectives in Afghanistan, here are a few headlines from the future, specifically, 2025:
Dad and Two Sons in Same Outfit; Father Speaks Fluent Pashto, Sons Speak only Farsi”
“GIs Rename Minaret of Jam: Minaret of Peanut Butter and Jam”
“GIs Rename Farah River; The Farah Faucet”
“BP Execs Scheduled for First Parole Hearing; ‘Fat Chance,’ Board Member Predicts”
“Arizona Victorious in Civil War; Secedes; Renames Itself Wasp Nation; Bars Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Mormons, Masons, Knights of Columbus, Gold Star Mothers, Tree Huggers, Roller Skaters, School Teachers, Day Laborers; Nationalizes Honda, Toyota, Kia, Mongolian Barbecue, Nike, Major League
Baseball, Transmogrification Laboratory, most Barber Colleges. U.S. Military Commanders Blame Loss on ‘lack of troops’”
“All-female Army Infantry Brigade, ‘The Man Eaters, Wipes Out Two Afghan Warlord Strongholds”
“Obama Bin Laden Seen at Senior Citizen Goat Roast; ‘Got him now, U.S. commanders promise’”
“Arlington National Cemetery Filled; Remains to Be Vaporized After Funerals”
