Here are the people who, had they been in charge of the war in Viet Nam, would have had the whole mess cleaned up inside of six months.
1.) George Steinbrenner. He would use his no-cap payroll to bring in players from around the world. A battalion or two from the French Foreign Legion, Bruce Lee and a busload of ninjas, maybe a troopship of Crips. And six months after the war, the Hanoi Hilton would actually be a Hilton franchise.
2.) Martha Stewart. In addition to looking pretty hot in tailored fatigues … um, well never mind. I just thought she’d look hot in a tight fitting camo outfit. Maybe the dried ear of a Viet Cong dangling from her neck and emphasizing that cleavage.
3.) Speaking of hot uniforms, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe “Pink Pajamas” Arpaio, recreating his real-life role as a whack job who uses the Bill of Rights for toilet paper, would have had things cleaned up within a year. Mostly because he doesn’t talk to anyone in the federal branch of government, a time consuming task for every other commander.
4.) Cuyahoga County Commissioner Jimmy Dimora. If he sat cross legged and smiled, one look at him, and the natives would believe the Buddha just returned.
